She’s like the sky when she laughs, making my eyes sore as I stare, and I am overwhelmed and bewitched by her. Her words, the soft mist of daylight, bringing forth a cutting beam of sunlight that is her smile, and when she gestures she frolics through perpetually stretching meadows. This was the first time our eyes met. In this moment I fabricated a reality in which we exist together, deeply intertwined. And now I am a flower who’s never seen the sun, merely an adjacent admirer of someone whose fate is to pass by me in an instant. The mind’s premature fantasy is the breeder of disappointment, and I am partially aware of this, but in some manner, I am satisfied with the envisionment of a life that I recognize to be unfeasible. Now all of the images I’d imagined melt away as she continues, past me- and I'm late to class, empty-handed except for some pictures that I drew.
I see her in all, And ev’ry moment I am, Ev’ry setting sun.
Wow, she’s beautiful. How could I yearn so passionately for a girl whom I’ve only known through glimpses? Not even glimpses, but a glance. Now the train doors close behind her, and it really hits me; she’s on the same train, going the same direction that I am, and she just sat next to me! Why would she sit next to me? I mean, it’s not like the train is empty, but the seat next to mine was far from the only option. It can’t be intentional, no, and I’d go as far as to say I’m frustrated for even considering that as an option. I’m supposed to be asleep, I’ve already been traveling for hours on multiple trains and buses and still haven’t even scratched the surface of my total trip. Actually, I’m supposed to have been asleep for a while already, since I’ll be coming up to my next stop soon. This is distracting me. I can’t help but focus on her in my peripheral. My attempts at falling unconscious are useless against my racing mind, did she sit here on purpose? Why? Should I say something? Maybe she’s hoping that I do. That’s ridiculous. It’s completely coincidental that she sat next to me, after all, it’s a regular seat just like any other in this car. It must be that she simply picked at random. But the question of “what if?” keeps creeping back to me, finding its way into my train of thought. We’re arriving at a station now, and a part of me hopes that this is her destination so that these thoughts can stop tormenting me, but who am I kidding, I’m too far gone. Even if she gets off, I’ll still be thinking about her for the rest of my trip. We’ve stopped moving now. Please don’t get up, please don’t get up, please don’t get up… Please, just start moving the train again so I can sit next to her for a little while longer… This made me wretchedly very aware that I do not, in fact, hope she gets off the train anytime soon. We’re moving again, and she’s still next to me. She hasn’t moved at all since she sat down, actually. Phew. Now what? I’ve gotten myself so worked up in hopes that she stays next to me for what purpose? Just to sit in silence until one of us gets off? No, now I should speak to her. But, maybe she’d rather be left alone. Maybe I shouldn’t. I can’t remember what I was conflicted about after the train shakes and her legs fall onto mine. Now my heart races again. I don’t want to move my legs away from hers. Why is she not moving? Did she want this to happen? Maybe she’s waiting for me to move, or perhaps she’s trying to figure out if I wanted this to happen. How long is a normal amount of time after two people’s legs accidentally touch before one of them moves away? Only seconds have passed, but it feels like minutes, which would probably feel like hours next to her.